Getting the Jump

Last week I registered on the Common Application website to make myself feel like I was getting the jump on six months of suffering. Applying for U.S. citizenship probably involves less paperwork. I was just surprised that they didn’t ask me what I pictured my brother doing in ten years. And you know what? About ten minutes into it I started to itch. I don’t mean an itch on the side of my leg, I mean an itch like I was about to break out into hives. I could picture the little red dots that mean your capillaries are rupturing popping up. I got a little dizzy. Clearly an allergy, right? I should’ve taken some Benadryl and dropped out of high school, yeah?

When I was a naive freshman, sophomore, newly minted junior I still believed that college applications would be even mildly judicial. After all, there was an interview and an essay to really let my voice be heard. I was sure that my personality would shine through one way or another. Being the brilliant and radiant person that I am, I was a shoe in for one of the Ivies. Then reality set in. I was attending a school where at the very least 300 people would be applying to any given school I would be. Many of who would have a better average than I did and/or a better story of struggle and suffering to tell. The dream died a bloody death and the real paranoia set in.

Since then I’ve made several brave attempts at “getting the jump” on the CAP. I spend a night or two every month diving into college research and making calculations on what my chances of getting into X school is. I usually end up closing all the Firefox windows, shutting down my computer, and doing some deep breathing to prevent a moment of crying hysteria. And that’s only from some vague guesstimates. I predict a full on melt down when it comes time to make some real decisions.

My neck is itching.